Erase
by Rosamanelle
Summary: I'm not a good person. Stay away from me. I'm sorry. Don't look back, or else I won't be able to let you go. "What love? I've already erased my feelings for you." Save me from myself.


Raven turned up the collar of his coat in the cold, rushing towards the little bar on the corner of the street. Streetlamps flickered in the gloom, reflecting his mood.

He felt like utter crap today, and nothing anyone had done could cheer him up.

It was a rainy night, the damp and brisk air chasing his heels as he walked. An alley-cat screeched mournfully, only cementing his mood further. Opening the door to the bar, the soft tinkle of the bell above was swallowed into the darkness of the night. The bar itself was fairly empty, the only others inside besides himself being the bartender and a group of older men who were playing cards. Brushing raindrops off of his coat, Raven shrugged it off elegantly and draped it over the back of a high barstool. The interior of the bar was dimly lit and inviting, all warm colors and dark wood. Polished marble gleamed in the light, a wall of alcohol displayed proudly behind the bar. Raven traced a nonsensical pattern in the fraying edges of his T-shirt. Fraying at the edges, just like his heart.

"I'll take something strong," he said, his voice low and husky. The bartender, a young thing with blond hair and blue eyes, nodded, his lips pressed into a thin, professional smile. Obviously it had been a long day for him, too.

Sighing, Raven propped his elbows up on the bar, running his hands through his thick, dark hair. His amber eyes were slightly bloodshot from several sleepless nights, the beginnings of a pounding headache creeping up in the very back of his mind. Letting out another heavy sigh, Raven tipped his head to the bartender who returned with his drink, silently taking a long drag. The alcohol burned his throat as it went down, but he couldn't help but feel as if he deserved the pain. It made him feel a little better if he thought like that.

The bell chimed quietly, announcing the arrival of more people wanting to get completely wasted for the night. The cold air briefly washed over Raven, carried on the coat of the woman who sat down next to him, sleek black bag placed on the ground delicately.

"Strongest you've got, please," she said quietly, the smooth melody of her voice snapping Raven out of his haze of self-hatred and wallowing. She sounded familiar...

Turning to study the young woman next to him, Raven did a double-take. "...Rena?"

He barely recognized her.

When they were going out, her blond hair had been long enough to wrap around her neck twice, her green eyes always alight with some sort of inner flame. Now her hair barely brushed her shoulders, hacked off jaggedly as if it were cut off with safety scissors. Green eyes were rimmed with thick, messy kohl, equally dark make-up covering her eyelids. Her skin, still as clear as ever, was paler than before, almost an unhealthy cream.

Rena paused mid-sip, putting down her violently green drink. "Raven...?"

He supposed she hardly recognized him.

He stopped dying parts of his hair crazy colors, stopped growing it out until it touched his shoulders and she begged him to cut it. Now his hair was straight and black, no dye or curl anywhere. He looked thinner and more tired - and he was, both mentally and physically - and his scars seemed deeper and darker than usual. Light stubble covered his normally clean-shaven chin, too tired and worn out to even bother cleaning up.

Funny how they both were a mess.

Staring at the bar, Rena's fingers tightened around her drink. "...Fancy seeing you here. Come to drown yourself in your sorrows, too?"

The air was tight around them, and all Raven could think of was the way Rena had looked that day so many years ago when he had first seen her. Could only think of how bright her smile was, how gentle her touch was, how glowing she had been.

"...Yeah. Something like that."

Raven turned back to his own drink, wondering why Rena hadn't left her seat yet, why she hadn't left him to himself yet. Why she was still sitting there, with him. Lifting the drink to his lips, Raven watched Rena out of the corner of his eye as she did the same. She was watching him as well.

Setting his drink down, Raven shifted subtly in his seat. Emerald eyes traced the movement quickly, reminiscent of a cornered animal. "I'm guessing that things haven't been going to great for you, either." He stated bluntly, unsure of where he was going with this conversation or what he was trying to say.

 _I'm sorry._

 _I'm not a good person._

 _You should move on; don't feel sad because of me._

 _Don't look back so I can't hold on to you._

But those were words he couldn't say; not now, not ever. He wouldn't be able to say them, they'd get stuck in his throat and die instead. So instead, he relied on what he knew he could rely on: meaningless small talk.

Rena snorted, downing her drink in one go and slamming the empty glass on the counter with a rattle. "Obviously not. I'm not the type to go drinking; you know that."

Raven grunted in response, watching as a bead of condensation slid down his glass. "I know that, Rena. I'm just... I don't know. Just... go. Don't hold on."

His response was abstract, something that anyone else wouldn't have understood. But Rena understood the hidden message perfectly, wrinkling her nose as she called the bartender over for another drink. "You know, we met here. Do you remember?"

Now that Raven thought of it, this was where they met. His close friend had dragged him out for a drink, and Rena was one of the other people his friend had invited along. Shrugging, Raven leaned up against the counter and closed his eyes briefly.

"How could I forget?"

The answer seemed to momentarily stun Rena into silence, her fingers curling on air. She remembered. She remembered seeing Raven, all tall and dark and handsome, from across the room and thinking, _'He just might be the one.'_

She really should learn to ignore her instincts.

Opening his eyes, Raven stared at Rena. To her, it felt like he was staring through her soul. "...I was serious, Rena. Don't hold on."

Rena scoffed, one hand on her hip and the other around her drink, holding it like it was her life line. "What love? I've already erased my love for you."

It stung.

It stung to hear those words come from the one that once meant the world to him, but at the same time it comforted him. Rena would be just fine.

"And I've already erased your number from my phone. Now we're even, right?"

The subtle jab managed to make Rena crack into a small grin, the air lightening infinitely around them. Taking another sip, Rena glance at Raven out of the corner of her eyes. "I think... I think right from the start - the very damn beginning - we were never meant to be." When Raven didn't say anything, Rena continued. "We've always been like this, tricking ourselves into thinking we were happy when we both knew damn well that as soon as we turned around we meant nothing to each other."

 _I'm not a good person._

 _Forget me._

 _Just walk away._

 _I'm scared that if you look back I'll never be able to let you go._

The words she wanted to say got stuck half-way in her throat, never to be said aloud.

They were more similar than they ever thought.

Raven understood. Exhaling noisily, he flashed Rena a crooked grin. "That's how we've always been."

 _I'm wasting away without you._

 _I'm just using this drink as an excuse to forget you._

 _Save me from myself._

Rena sent him a matching grin. "Don't think too hard about it, Raven. That's how idiots like you get sent to the hospital." Chuckling quietly, Raven stared into his drink. The pit in his stomach loosened slightly, the mass of discomfort and hatred uncoiling little by little.

 _We were never meant to be. It's time to move on. I'll just meet another girl. It'll be typical._

 _It's time to erase how I felt for you._

Rena turned to stare at her own drink, the very look of the dark green making her throat burn. God, what was she thinking, ordering something like this? But instead of complaining, Rena took another couple of tentative sips, grimacing when the anticipated taste was just as bad as expected.

 _We would never have happened. It's time to find someone else. I'll just go meet some other guy meaninglessly._

 _It's time to erase how I felt for you._

Taking a deep breath to cement his decision, Raven turned to look at Rena properly for the first time of the night. As if sensing his newfound decision, Rena turned to face him. "Rena."

Rena leaned in, a flash of her old mischief glinting in her eyes. He didn't realize how much he had missed her until he saw that little flash. "Raven."

Raven steeled his nerves, his drink long forgotten, abandoned on the countertop. The young bartender watched on in silence, feigning disinterest as he wiped down the counter. "Rena, I'm... I'm not a good person. I'm not someone you should've ever had to cry over. You... need to move on. Anything you once felt for me - get rid of it, lock it up in the darkest part of your heart, I don't care - but just don't feel for me anymore. Walk away from me and don't ever look back."

 _Even if it breaks my heart._

He crumpled in on himself, uncharacteristically small and nervous. "...I'm sorry for ever hurting you. And I know that it's not enough considering how badly I fucked up, but it's all I can do. So I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Placing a placating hand on his arm, Rena spoke gently. "It was never your fault. If anything, it was both of our faults. We didn't work out, we both fucked up, and now here we both are. But apology accepted.

"But Raven! Don't think you're the only one who has to tell the other to walk away. You... you were never mine to begin with. I clung to the idea of our romance for as long as I could, even as it crumbled around me. I'm ready to let go, Raven - it's time for you to go free. I can't keep you any more, not even in my heart. I'm not that good of a person, either. Don't pretend to be nice, just tell it to me straight. We were over a long time ago and we can't let what we used to be haunt us anymore. Don't turn back, Raven. Don't ever turn back."

 _I won't be able to pull myself together if you do._

Exchanging friendly smiles, both felt an invisible weight come off of their chests.

 _They'll be fine without me_.

Before anyone could say anything else, a shrill ring cut through the air. Cursing, Raven fumbled with his phone, swiping across to receive the call. "Hello?" Rena still thought he had the nicest baritone she had ever heard. "Yeah, I'll be right there. Bye."

Hanging up, Raven turned back to Rena with a frown. "My boss," he said quickly, standing up. "She wants me to come in to cover Ciel's shift - something about him getting sick." Setting down the payment for his drink, Raven paused. "Are you..."

Rena smiled, catching onto the unsaid question. "I'll be fine. It's not like I've never been alone before."

Nodding, Raven grabbed his coat and shrugged it on partially before pausing once more. "You sure you'll be okay?"

Rena snorted, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms with about as much sass as she could muster. "Just go, stupid. After all, goodbye _is_ the new hello..." Raven sent her an answering grin, tugging on his coat fully before exiting the establishment. The tinkle of bells announced his exit, Rena watching his back as he disappeared into the night, forcing down the loneliness welling up in her chest before turning back to the bar.

The small pile of bills on the table caught her eye - surely that was too much for one drink? - as Rena shuffled a bit closer, quickly counting the amount left behind.

It was enough for both of their drinks.

A slow grin spread across her face.

 _That idiot._

* * *

[A/N:]

Yay oneshot!

I find that whenever Reven is in a story, it's more of a background pairing. So it's time to give them some time in the spotlight (Read: I'm really just exploring with my creative writing freedom XD)! It's also my first exploration of the Hurt/Comfort genre, although I think it turned out a little more angsty than anything, really. Hurt/Comfort, bah! LET'S JUST WRITE DEPRESSING SHIT. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT? (Sleep deprived atm, brain will be back in twelve hours.)

Now I really don't have anything else to say, so...

Don't forget to R&R, follow and favorite if you want, and see you all next story!


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